I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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