i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
