He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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