i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
