i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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