I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
