well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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