I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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