i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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