i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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