Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
