My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
