he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
