Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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