On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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