Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
