we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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