it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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