My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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