I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
