My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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