just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
