i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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