and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
