The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
this beer tastes like vomit already
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
