Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
