so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
