Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize