After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
