You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
