I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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