I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
