from now on my penis is your penis
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
