He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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