woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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