Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
