Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
