sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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