May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
