You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
