Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
