I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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