its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
