dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
