Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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