He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How does one acquire holy water?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
