he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
