Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
