I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
