I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
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You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
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I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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