OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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