so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize