From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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