he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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