I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
