You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
