I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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