matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Sober January is a disaster.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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