Jerry, you need to find god
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just want to make out with him forever
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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