Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
