If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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