I faked an abortion last night.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
