he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
