My liver just broke up with me...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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