My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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