I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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