I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
