dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
