it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
