Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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