Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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