everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
