I want to have your abortion
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
