I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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