ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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