Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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