you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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