Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
