I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
